Stay Illogical.

So today was a rather long, and irritating day at work, but I have this thing where I am trying to stay positive, even with situations like these.

We are short staffed at work right now because Mike is on vacation, and the two other dimwits that I have to work with, are just plain stupid. “V” decided to call out because his feet hurt. Totally bullshit. Even when my foot hurt, I still came in, and did a damn good job at what I do, he’s such a bullshitter. So with him being gone, I ended up having to do his crap, which wasn’t much, but a little extra help would’ve been great. I asked the other fool that I work with, Donnie, to help me, and he simply refused, like always.

I later find out that he decided to go up to my manager and explain that he is sick of my games, and that I don’t do absolutely anything at work. HA. What a crock of shit (literally) he is. Oh, and not only that, he said he was going to express his opinion to corporate. HA. They’re going to laugh at him, that moron. I’m glad I have a great lead who will stick up for me behind my back.

I’m so sick of high school bullshit from a place that is suppose to be professional. It’s FAR from it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a great worker, if you don’t kiss anyones ass, you’re not going anywhere. Kind of sucks for me, because I wont kiss anyones ass.

Posted 08/04/2009

Climbing

I’m 101% over WordPress. It doesn’t seem like I’m blogging for some reason, but more like managing content. It didn’t really work out for me, and I feel so stupid for paying 80$ for a template that I used for less than a week. Really shows how I can manage my money right?

Gia’s birthday dinner and party were this weekend, and it was really great! It was fun seeing a bunch of old people from high school, and surprisingly I wasn’t being awkward. I had a blast! I also loved hearing from several people “Oh you look so good now!” Ha, such a boost of confidence. :)

I want to go to the beach tomorrow, hopefully I can find someone to go with.

Posted 05/04/2009

The Night Didn't End @ The HoB.

ARCHIVE POST FROM HTTP://IAMJAYBOT.NET - MY NEW DOMAIN!

I finally have the day off today, and decided I wanted to get crazy last night. I had only one goal for myself last night, and that was to get drunk and dance. Mission accomplished.

The night started with the four of us [Natasha, Chris, Kristy & myself] heading out to the House of Blues for the club going on that night, we got there, and weren’t able to get in because they could smell the alcohol off of Natasha’s breath. LAME! That security guy was such a douche bag, like he wasn’t trying to do the same when he was our age, jerk. I was kind of discouraged because I only really wanted to just dance that night, because I haven’t been able to lately.

It was 11:300, and we decided we didn’t want the night to end. So we continued our adventure out to LA to go to Moscow. It was my first time there, and it was a different environment that I am used to, but it was fun! We first ran into Josh Patterson, I didn’t think it was him at first so I kept walking, but then Natasha said hey, and then I realized it was him, and said whats up. It’s been forever since I’ve seen that kid. We ended up staying there 20 to closing and decided we were hungry and wanted Denny’s (every drunks choice of food) and continued the adventure there…

We got there, and of course I just had to notice the “B” rating that was hanging in it’s glory right when you entered. Again, I was discouraged. Everyone had already walked in and was seated and I was still reading what that rating was about, apparently my friends had missed it. I walked in and immediately said “Are you guys sure you want to eat at this Denny’s? Let’s find another one.” and I think I offended the lady working there because she got really defensive with what I had to say, and told her that I don’t settle for anything less than an “A” rating, because it’s sketch. But in the end, it was all good and tasty, and the lady ended up being hilarious and really chatty with us.

I was dreading the drive home because I was so drunk, and after that food I was exhausted! We all ended up making it home, and I woke up this morning somewhat tipsy still. HA! Good times, and I know this summer is going to have even more fun adventures for me. I really wish I had my camera that night. Pictures would’ve been great!

The entire time though, someone said something to me before I left, and it was pretty much the only thing on my mind. So whether or not if I would’ve had a bad night, I would’ve kept thinking about what this person said to me, and everything would be alright. I’m happy, and my book is right, we Capricorn’s are hard on ourselves, and I need to learn how to loosen up, which has been really easy for me lately!

Gia’s birthday dinner tonight. Finally she is 21, and she can enjoy going out with myself, and some of my new friends. I’m glad we’re friends again. I will for sure be taking pictures of tonights dinner!

Posted 02/04/2009

Impact.

Hearing your voice completely changed my night. It was like the first time I ever did meth, I was completely happy, and wanted more… Now with it being 20 minutes ago, i’m craving to hear it again.

Call me soon. <3

Posted 26/03/2009

I'm really bored.

With life, my friends, and everything thats been going on lately. It’s just all the same to me. I need someone to spark some entertainment, or some new fun for me. I’m just getting so bored of it all.

Oh… Someone turned themselves in the other day about Kevin’s death. I don’t really know what happened, but I’m waiting for Jan or Rebecca to fill me in on the details… It’s all so bittersweet like Rebecca said, to finally know what happened, but to have the same emotions that we all had a year ago, isn’t really comforting again. I miss him so much, and I’m so glad that we finally will get some closure…

Jay~.

Just a recap over the last few days...

These last few days have been pretty eventful to say the least.

Sunday night I ended up hanging out with Natasha and a few of her friends. We went out to Oasis in Upland, and man that club was extremely ghetto. Not only that, but we got kicked out and we weren’t even there for an hour. I went outside to have a smoke, and I come back to find them getting kicked out. I guess because one of her friends took a sip of my drink, and because she was holding my drink. Kinda lame, but whatever. I doubt I’d be going back there anytime soon, unless I need a confidence boost or something. Heh. So afterwards we went to some dorm out in Riverslime, and it was the most filthy dorm I’ve ever been in. I felt extremely dirty the moment I walked in. I don’t understand how people can become such pigs like that, it’s truly disgusting. We ended up getting kicked out of there too (Geez, what a night right?), one of the girls that lived there didn’t like that one of Natasha’s friends was there, so she was on a complete power trip, and went crazy on us and turned on her bitch switch. Meh, so Natasha’s friend ended up calling the cops, and making this big story up to get them in trouble, really childish I know, but it was fun. We didn’t really do much after that, just went and got food and called it a night. It was an interesting, but pretty fun night. I wish I was able to dance though that night, thats what I really wanted to do. =/

Monday, Ashliey and I took a trip out to LA. We’ve never been during the day, so it was a completely different experience. We were tourists for the day. ;) We first went out to Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, and got high in the parking lot, and let me tell you, that place is BOMB!!!! I am totally craving it right now too. I felt so fat after eating it, but it was well worth it. The waffles are to die for. After that we checked out a few antique stores, and went to this vintage store, Jetrag that has this really sick Depeche Mode cigarette case for sale which I am totally going back for. After checking out the shops, we went to this Psychiatry museum which was totally funded by the Church of Scientology. The people that worked the place were extremely nice, it was very creepy. The museum was really interesting, and somewhat disturbing in some ways. It opened my eyes. I never really believe in psychiatrists in the first place, but some of the stuff that I learned, was really insightful. Afterward, we went and just roamed LA more, and found Britney’s star and took some pictures with it. It was a really good day, something completely different than what I’m used to. It’s fun to finally go out and do something, people are just so lazy nowadays, and only care to get high, and not do anything. I’m so over that.

I really want to start a dance crew. Just for fun, nothing serious. I want to create some choreography to some of my favorite songs, and just practice and eventually film them for memories. It would be a lot of fun, and it would be a great workout. I just have a feeling nobody else would be interested in it, unfortunately. =/ Everyones so boring now. I talked to Andy for a little over two hours today, it feels good. I’m always smiling, but I know I need to keep a distance, because I don’t want to end up where I was a few months ago. =/

I’m exhausted, I worked out for almost two hours today, and man did it feel good. Till next time~.

Posted 17/03/2009

Can someone make the pain go away?

I walk around like I have a giant stick up my ass all the time, it’s kind of annoying really. My foot is pretty much really really bruised, I’ve had ice on it all day and its starting to feel a little better. I swear, if it isn’t healed by next week I’m getting my entire right leg cut off… Okay, not really, but yeah.

I went and visited Andy last night at work. Good times. He didn’t really have a chance to hangout because it was really busy, but it was nice to see him. It’s been awhile.

Posted 12/03/2009

Some people will never hear from me again.

I’m really good at shutting people out of my life, completely. When I’m done, you’re done. Karma is a fucking bitch, and I certainly hope you feel the pain that I have been going through this past week. YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT.

Last night was Jason, Brandon and Chloe’s combined birthday shindig at O Bar in West Hollywood, it was SO much fun! They picked the perfect place for it, it was such a good atmosphere, and the people were great. Not to mention the hot ones working behind the counter. ;D! It was really great seeing a lot of people that I haven’t seen in awhile, and others I could really care less about, ahem.

After the fun, Andrea and I went and got food and she showed me this amazing place out in Redondo Beach, it was beautiful. Something right of a movie. Although it was freezing cold because it was around 3 in the morning, it was beautiful. We bonded a lot, and shared a lot of personal information, it was great.

A second chance?

Sooooo Andy hit me up today. It was a surprise. I miss him. But I don’t want to get to attached like I did the first time, man that was horrible having to go through. I’ll take it as were friends, an simply that’s it, if something happens in the future, well we’ll see what happens. I did feel really happy though, like I did when we first started talking. I’m gunna go visit him at his work this week :]]..

Ps, so Brandons birthday thing is this week, and well I think I requested the wrong day off to stay home and recover on…. Doh! I wish I was able to read dates correctly lol. Hopefully I’m wrong and put the right dates down for me to have off…

Goodnight!

Posted 09/03/2009

You're Not Sorry.

“All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I’ve been giving out chances everytime and all you do is let me down”

“Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn’t know
Could’ve loved you all my life
If you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold
And you’ve got your share of secrets and I’m tired of being last to know
And now you’re asking me to listen
‘Cause it’s worked each time before”

Reflecting.

This past weekend, and week for the most part, I’ve been reflecting a lot about myself. I’m so keen on trying to please everyone to make them happy, or to try and fit into a group of people that care only about themselves - and I’ve been doing this for a really long time now. It’s almost sad, and pathetic on my part.

I’m 21 years old, and I shouldn’t have to feel sad all the time, and I shouldn’t bother talking to others who only bring me down in the end. I have this whole new mindset where I just need to be around positive influences, because I do have a tendency to get caught up with my surroundings, and like they say “If you hang around shit, you become shit”. Unfortunately for me, it’s true. I’ve been around materialistic, stupid, fake, bitches for the longest time, It’s really phased me, and changed a good part of me.

I look back at old pictures, and realize how happy I was. Even though their was drama, and I was fat and insecure, I was happy. I feel like I’ve become a lot more insecure with myself just being around the people that I have been around for the past couple of years. Which is ironic because I know I am better looking, and a lot more stable than I was back in 2006, but sometimes I wish I could just go back, fix a few things, and I know my life would be different, and I know I would be happy.

I’m just so alone all the time, and I used to never really have a problem with it because I like to be independent, but lately I just would love to have a significant other. I have never really dated in the past because I never had any confidence in myself, and I didn’t know what I wanted. 2 years later I’m finally having confidence in myself, and I do know what I want, but I am having trouble finding it. From the past few dates that I have been on, I know that I am still having problems meeting new people. It sucks, but I wish I had the ability to just trust everyone and believe everyone has good intentions like I used to, but because of a certain thing that happened in my life, my trust in everyone has been significantly battered to a pulp, which I feel is the prime reason why I am still single. It sucks because the first impression is everything, and well lets just say I’m not the best at that. Another issue is that a majority of people out there are the promiscuous types, and I am far from that. I want someone real, and someone who will love me for me. Cliche I know, but it’s true.

So with all of this reflecting that I’ve been doing, I’ve only come to the conclusion where I just have to start taking chances, you only live life once and you better make the best of it. I need to live day by day because you really don’t know if you’re going to be around the next day. I’m 21 years old, and I shouldn’t be having to write these types of emotional blogs all the times, it’s time for me to fix my attitude and get my shit together and just be happy.

Oh, and I enabled comments on my posts now so if anyone reads my really boring blog and would like to leave some feedback, well now you can. :) EDIT: I changed the theme, and couldn’t figure it out. Oh well.

Posted 08/03/2009

Times of Romance

are certainly lacking for me. I will get into this later.

Last night I decided to take some time off by myself and drive out to the lookout and clear my head. In some ways it was successful, but the other part of me thinks it was also just a waste of time, and gas. Either way, I kind of enjoyed it.

I ended up staying there for a good 30 minutes or so, then Gia hit me up. I haven’t hung out with her in a really long time, several months I think. I saw her last in August, or maybe even July… I’m glad we’re made up though, I have really missed her. So I rushed home, took a shower and was out of my house at 9:30, showed up at Vanessa’s and we just hung out and waited for other people to show up. Overall, it was a really relaxed night… However, I shouldn’t of drank because I was way to hungover at work today not to mention my foot is KILLING me. I had to wear an ice pack all morning. I don’t even know whats wrong with it, I have a feeling it might be broken?

So I’ve been feeling pretty shitty these last few days, actually this entire week. I just feel like anyone that I do like, or anyone that might have a thing for me, ultimately I end up ruining, I hate it. I seriously need to stop getting so attached, so fast - because in the end I sit here and write these stupid emotional blog posts. I just want to be happy for once, and I want to share my happiness with someone. I’ve been single my whole life, and when I’m ready to finally try something new, and meet someone, I screw up. Yes, I am new to this, and I am slowly getting my confidence back in people, but it sucks. I know people are always “their are a million fish in the sea” or whatever, but I don’t care about that. I want to be with someone so badly, even if I tell myself that I’m okay just being single, I’m not. I want to be loved, and to love someone back. I want to do cute romantic things. I’ve just been so alone for the longest time ever, I need some comfort. But anyways, I instant messaged Christian today and didn’t really know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words at the moment, but I basically asked what he was looking for, and if I should just keep pursuing my feelings, or just backing out all together. Even though I don’t want to at all, I know I screwed up, and if anyones to blame - It’s me. I guess I just really liked the fact that he was different from most guys that I’ve been surrounding myself this past year, it’s like a breath of fresh air for once. I dunno, I’m over thinking everything again, and that is my biggest flaw. I just need to chill out, and think positive.

Damn, sometimes I wish I could just date a girl because I have no problem talking to women at all. FML.

Posted 07/03/2009

So Sleepy...

I didn’t get much sleep last night, basically about an hour or less. I just had way to much going through my mind, I couldn’t find a way to silence it all.. I’m trying hard to not fall asleep, or take a nap untill around 9 or so. I need to get my sleeping patterns corrected.

Last night was pretty, different for me. I did something that I know I should’ve done a really long time ago. “bad company corrupts good character” - I should’ve listened to this quote along time ago, and learned to live by it. I’ve been surrounding myself with negative people for the past two years, I don’t really feel like explaining myself why I did, it just all happened, and I was fine with it because I never thought I would get involved with the drama, until last night. I mean, anyone thats knows me knows that I don’t really conform to the scene at all, I rarely will ever have fun at a scene party, or any scene events, simply because I can’t stand to be around a bunch of judgmental, arrogant, selfish pricks whom only care about themselves. I’m just not that type of guy, and I wont have people in my life like that anymore.

I’m kind of excited to go out tomorrow night for this little gathering called the “Eve of Justice”, which is basically a gathering of people all over California to show some last minute support before the case to see if Prop 8 will get overturned on Thursday. Val wants to go to the bars after, but I think I’ll be either to tired, or not really feeling it because of work the next morning, but you only live once, so lets see how things play out.

I’m pretty sure I’ve kept going on, and on, and on, but I’ve been so dazed and confused today, so please excuse me.

Posted 03/03/2009

Thank You.

Dylan for reminding me how shady and untrustworthy people can be because of their insecurities. Trash right? I mean, I just despise people that twist my words and run off to another person to telling them completely different stuff.

God, I love people. I just have the most amazing “friends” ever. I am just extremely blessed!

[/endsarcasm]

I’m really upset and just down in the dumps. I know I have a good heart and I just wish people could see that. I just feel like crying and breaking down right now. I want to talk to Alyssa or Becca but they never pick up their phones anymore. Ive become so isolated with the world, I hate it. I feel like I’m going to be one of those old men who are still looking for some acceptance at the age of 60.. Quite sad. Just when I feel like things would be good, I turn them to shit. Big fail.

I need to surround myself with positive influences in my life, but it’s just so hard knowing I can’t really trust anyone anymore. My trust has been battered to a pulp, and I’m unsure how to recover.

Sorry for the emotional post, I’m just in a really weird frusterated mood.

Posted 02/03/2009