I Dunno.

I went out to Lucky Strike last night with Valerie because a new club was taking over on Tuesday nights, Spin Tuesdays. It was a lot of fun, it was the grand opening, and their was no cover charge. The set up was really nice, even with all the people their it didn’t feel like it was too cluttered.

I was talking to Andy the entire time through text messaging last night, he was trying to make it, but didn’t because he couldn’t find a friend to drive with him there. Which makes sense, becuase I wouldn’t show up by myself either. I just feel like I am bugging him too much, I feel like I have went really fast with opening myself up towards him, and now I’m regretting I did.

I use to feel like I was in control when we first started talking, I would almost brush him off because I wasn’t really interested, and I wasn’t ready to let myself get into a relationship. Now I feel that I’m the one thats being brushed off, and I hate it.

I tried so hard to not text him today, and I did about an hour ago with just a simple “Hi” to get things going since I haven’t talked to him all day, and I get a simple “Hey :]]” reply back, I figured he was just busy all day, but then I remembered he had the day off. So I asked how he was doing, and haven’t gotten a reply back. I’m just so confused.

He told me he was complicated, and I didn’t think it was this bad. I guess him and his ex are talking still, or something like that he was telling me, but he could see himself “falling for me”. I don’t know.

I don’t need this.

All I want is for someone to just be there for me. A simple “Good morning” would be something that I would love to hear, it would make my day. He used to text message me in the morning with things like “Squishy!”, “Sunshine!!” and I felt really good when I used to get things in the morning like that. Lately it feels like I’m the only one trying, and it sucks. I haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time, and I can see why. I’m very fragile, and when I feel like I’m not getting the attention that I need, I over think things, and they always end up being the worst thoughts.

I’ve already told him that I like him, and back in the day if I ever told anyone that, I probly would be to shy to ever talk to you again, I wouldn’t dare go out to lunch with you the next day!

I took a chance with Andy, and now I am regretting it. I feel so sad, and so lost. I know in life, you’re suppose to take chances and live life to the fullest. But, if taking chances means being let down in the end, and typing rediculous emotional posts, then I’d rather be alone. I was much more happier, and independent before I started to fall for him. I am now lost, and confused, someplace I don’t ever want to find myself.

However, I could always be over thinking things, and I really hope I am because I really do like him, and all I want is for him to like me back.

Posted 14/01/2009