Emotions

I am filled with so many right now. Mostly the downer ones though.

I’m starting to feel really sick because I feel like Andy is starting to keep his distance. It hurts me so much because I have really opened up, and tried really hard for something this time around. I haven’t been this open to anyone in a very long time, and to feel like I’m being pushed away so quickly kills me. Alyssa thinks that I am exaggerating everything, but I don’t really think I am. It’s just one of those things that you just know isn’t right. I can’t really explain it, but it sucks. 

I almost wanted to go to Tigerheat tonight just to see his face, and to see if he was doing anything with anyone else. But if I saw that, I know I would breakdown and cry. A part of me wants to just go though, just to see. I know I don’t want to hurt myself, but the other side of me wants to go and see if I’m wasting my time with him. Ugh, I hate my life. This is why I don’t date. I always end up hurt. Everyone that I’ve ever liked either has died, or I never got enough courage to even open up to them, but the one time that I try and take a chance, I don’t get anything in return.

It sucks, and I hate it. I hate him for making me feel like shit today. I thought about him ALL fuckin’ day today, and I can’t be like this anymore. I can’t play these stupid childish games. It’s retarded, and I hate people that play them. It’s so frustrating.

It’s like they say, love makes you do crazy things. It’s true. 

I want to cry, but at the same time I don’t think any tears would come out. I don’t know how I should be feeling right now. I hate that I get so attached way to quickly. I just want to be romanced, is that so much to ask for?

Oh, and to make things ever worse, my uncle and my mothers aunt died last night.

Posted 22/01/2009