Awkward.

I dunno why I think everything is awkward. I never used to think about everything like I do now. I wonder what happened to me?

I went and visited Andy with Val today. Again, I thought I was being awkward, but Val said that everything was fine. Eh, we’ll see. I’m not pressuring myself anymore to try and fight for something that I don’t even know is going to workout. So Val and I got pretty high today, and it felt great. The weather was so nice today, it was the perfect beach day. A boyfriend would’ve been perfect for today. I got out of work early, and the beach would’ve been perfect. But, I don’t live in a perfect world of course, so of course that didn’t happen, unfortunately.

I’ve become really bored of work, more bored than I usually ever am. I’m just so sick of the bullshit, and so sick of the drama there. It’s retarded. How professional is a thirty year old lady coming up to you saying “I hate you” , of course I know she is joking, but c’mon — Is it really necessary?

I dunno. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook on life right now, “Positive outlook, positive results” but it’s just so hard. My main problems as of now are (from top to bottom):

- My bank, and credit card debt. I really, really need to start budgeting my money better and getting these taking care of. It’s screwing me over every month, I just don’t know how I can pay off over $1,000…

- Andy. He’s all I ever think about, and I hate that I’ve become like this.

- My weight. I am very self conscious with it, and with summer just right around the corner I am so concerned about looking my best. I’ve come along way, and lately I feel like I am slipping.

- Valentines day. I have the perfect date set up, but I doubt I’ll even be able to go through with them, I’m going to hurt badly if I find out Andy and his “ex” go out…

That is all for now…

Posted 04/02/2009