He’s Just Not That Into You.

Ironic that this film just came out right, when it finally hit me today that Andy isn’t into me anymore. Reality check. I kind of new all along ever since him and his ex had that “conversation” last month. I’m kind of bummed, but at the same time relieved that I wont be putting anymore of my time and emotions into chasing something that is going to get me no where. I’ll look at it as good research for the future. I really hope I’m done with him, a part of me isn’t, but the bigger part of me is - and I just need to move on.

I’m just so sick of being so sad, and anxious lately because of him. I’ve never been like this with anyone before, and I hate it. This is why I never date, and why I never chase after anyone. I want them to chase after me. I’m tired of writing these emotional posts but I have no other way to vent my feelings.

I need to connect with myself again, and pick up where I left off. I want to be stable, and secure like I was back before I met Andy. I used to be really strong, and something like this wouldn’t really affect me, but damn did I fall. I just have to stay strong, and realize that if friends is all that we’re ever going to be, I just need to accept it. I guess having him in my life as a friend is better than not having him at all, right? But then again, to know what we could’ve been hurts me. A part of me just wants to erase him completely, like in that one movie. 

Back to reconnecting with myself - I need to stay focused into getting into school next semester, and getting back into shape for summer. I lost track for a bit there, but I’m starting to pick up again, which is a sign that all of this will soon be over - I hope.. 

Posted 10/02/2009